Marauders Era: The light before the dark
by jazzstar02
Summary: Pretty much a collection of one-shots in the Marauders Era. I only update when I have writer block. The Marauders and Lily...and pranks. Oops. "POTTER! GET YOUR FILTHY ARSE DOWN HERE!" "Oh Merlin."
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello! This is going to be a collection of one-shots from the Marauders era! Hope you like! Some will be with Jazz, some won't be. REVIEW! This one is mostly dialogue. All of the oneshots will be exactly 1111 words. Review!**

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"Pumpkins!" yelled Sirius Black loudly. The other three boys looked at their insane roommate.

"Padfoot, what the bloody hell?"

"I've figured out the reason girls are totally in love with me!"

"And why would that be, and what does it have to do with pumpkins?"

"Because, dear Remus, girls love pumpkins! And I'm amazing, just like a pumpkin! And my hair is prettier than pumpkins"

"Moony, Wormy, I think Sirius has finally lost it."

"Prongs, Sirius lost it two years ago."

"Er...lost what, exactly?" asked Peter.

"His damn dignity," replied James. Sirius pouted, sticking his lower lip out, and making it tremble.

"Oh my Jamie dearest darling, how could you ever say such an evil thing?"

"Cause you started sniffing my bed before taking naps in it. That is just crazy, my friend."

"Sleeping? In James's bed? Guys, is there something we should know about?" joked Peter.

"Yup, Prongs proposed yesterday, we're getting married in an hour. We've been in love forever. Oh, how I love thou, my dearest Jamie!"

"Sirius! My angel of black, gross, fur!"

"James, my pokey antlers of crappy doom!"

"Crappy doom. Never heard that one before," said Remus thoughtfully. Peter chuckled.

"Siri-poo, my softie toilet paper!"

"Jamie-poo, my-"

"Alright, you love-birds, save it for the bedroom," said Remus.

"Er, Remus? This is their bedroom."

"Aw, shit. Why on earth did we have to get stuck with them?"

"It's too bad, really."

"Wormtail, I fear we may be the only sane people in this dorm."

"HEY!"

"Whatever."

"Only girls say whatever. Are you a girl Moony?" asked Sirius innocently. Remus chucked a pillow at his friend. James blinked.

"Mate, you wanna know _why _you're a girl?"

"No."

"BECAUSE YOU GET YOUR 'TIME OF THE MONTH'!" Sirius and James both burst out in hysteric fits of laughter, at this incredible witty joke.

"My goodness, you guys are hilarious," said Remus sarcastically.

"We know!" they chorused.

"Do you guys not know what sarcasm is?" asked Peter earnestly. The two rolled their eyes at each other.

"Of course we do, dearest Wormy, dear. We were just using the method of sarcasm against sarcasm. Though we are, actually, completely hilarious," explained Sirius patiently. Peter, Remus, and James all simultaneously rolled their eyes.

"Siriussss," whined James.

"What?"

"I'm hungry!"

"Come to think of it, so am I."

"Chocolate wouldn't hurt."

"Food!"

"Who's going to the kitchens?" asked James.

"James is," said Remus.

"Remus will!" said Sirius.

"Sirius is," said Peter.

"Peter's going!" yelled James. They all looked at each other.

"Well, mate, I certainly do NOT fancy going out in the dark all the way to the kitchens..."

"Just like you, yeh lazy arse," said Sirius.

"Look who's talking," retorted James. Remus sighed when James and Sirius began wrestling on the floor.

"You lot are going to drive me out of my mind!" James stared at the young werewolf.

"Really? Is that possible? Would you soul, like, drive out in a car, or-" Remus groaned. Peter patted his back.

"I feel your pain," he muttered softly.

"Remus?"

"Yes?"

"Do you know who Shakespeare is?" Remus stared at Sirius.

"Padfoot, how can you NOT know who that is?"

"I don't," he said.

"Me neither," said James.

"Same," said Peter.

"Are you crazy?"

"Yes."

"He wrote some of the greatest literature ever know to Earth!"

"What does literature mean, Moony?" asked Sirius. Remus buried his face in his hands.

"Oh Merlin."

"Merlin is boss," said James. Remus looked at him strangely.

"Boss?"

"I saw someone say that in a television show."

"Tele...visi...on?" said Sirius slowly. James puffed out his chest.

"Yeah. It's this muggle thing, where they trap muggles in a box for eternity if they do something bad, and then they force them to entertain people for the rest of their lives." Remus and Peter both groaned in unison. Sirius gulped nervously.

"Merlin's saggy boxers! Muggles are scarier than Voldemort!"

"I'm not even going to try and explain this to them," Remus said to Peter, who nodded.

"That would be smart, Moony."

"If normal people listened to our conversation, we'd be in jail."

"Moony, what's jail?"

"Azkaban for muggles, without dementors."

"Muggles are so scary."

"Your face is so scary."

"BUUURRRNNN!"

"James, shut up, they can probably hear you in all the way Diagon Alley."

"I'm not that loud!"

"Yes you are!" three voices chorused. James pouted.

"You guys are really mean."

"Your face is really mean."

"Sirius..."

"Your face is Sirius!"

"That doesn't make sense!"

"Be quiet, for Merlin's sake!"

"Your face is quiet!"

"Oh my goodness..."

"Your face is goodness."

"Why, thank you, dear Pads."

"Your face is Pads."

"MY FACE IS NOT MADE OF...LADY PRODUCTS!"

"Merlin, people must think we're insane!"

"That is cause we are..."

"Ughhhhh," growled Remus.

"Moony, who are you growling at?"

"Myself."

"Why would that be?"

"Because. I am so stupid."

"We know. But you don't, so why do you think you are stupid?"

"Because I became friends with you morons."

"You know you love us!" said James cheekily.

"What does moron mean?"

"One neuron."

"What is a neuron?"

"A brain cell."

"Oh that makes- HEYYY!"

"Just figured it out, genius?"

"Prongs, you didn't know that either."

"Whatever."

"WHATEVER IS A GIRL WORD!" yelled Sirius.

"I'm tired," said Peter.

"Only girls are tired at this time Pete. It's only three!"

"In the morning!"

"We'll be exhausted for classes!"

"So what?"

"Yeah! We can just nap in History of Magic! Easy peasy!"

"'Peasy' is not a word."

"Who cares?"

"Barbie!"

"Barbie's blond, she doesn't care about anything but shagging!"

"Eww!"

"Why on Earth are we having this conversation?"

"BECAUSE WE ARE EPIC!"

"What in the name of Merlin does epic mean, Prongs?"

"Awesome. It's another muggle thing."

"Muggles are-"

"Scary! We know! Now can you shut up so I can sleep?"

"Never! I shall stay awake for eternity!"

Within 10 minutes, Sirius was asleep. Remus looked at him.

"Well, good night Prongs and Wormtail."

"Night Moonykins."

"Good night, Remus."

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**A/N: Hello, mates! This is oneshot number one! More to continue, and please review! Whenever I have writers block, I'll post anther chapter, so don't expect this to be regularly updated.**

**love,**

**Jazz**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Just something I wrote to pass the time. Should give you a hint about what Jazz's Marauder name will be. Hope you like it :D Review ya'll! Pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty please please please? With a million kazillion cherry pies on top?  
**

**Thanks. :D :D :D :D :D**

...

A completely ticked of and a pissed James Potter walked into the Great Hall. Words could not describe how he looked. He had shoulder-length brown hair, and sparkling hazel eyes, coated with mascara and eye shadow. His lipstick was a bright pink, glittering in the florescent light. He was wearing a sparkly pink dress that would not come off, no matter how hard he tried. Beaded jewelry was strung around his ears, neck, and wrists.

"SIRIUS BLACK!" James face said 'I will murder you', and the dangerous, crazed, look in his eyes- well, it didn't really look dangerous considering all the make up he was wearing. Sirius Black, forever the guilty culprit along with his lady CRAZY best friend Jazz, sniggered fiercely.

"Why hello, Jamie, mate! What's new?" James growled, angrily. Jazz ran up to him.

"Hi!" she said, way too perky for her personality. "I'm Jazz! You're a sixth year right? You'll be in my dorm! Along with Lily, Cherry, and Alice too." James growled again. Jazz couldn't help herself, she burst out laughing; what a sight her and her friends made. James was a girl, wearing _adidas_ sneakers, a pair of mens glasses, and a quidditch shirt over the dress, giving the impression he was wearing a pink skirt. This set Sirius, Remus, and Peter off too. James pouted.

"What have I done to deserve this, my sister?" he said, in an unrecognizable, stupid, accent. She grinned at him wickedly.

"Everything, dear Potter, everything." He sighed.

"Yeah, yeah, Star, you're effing hilarious. You too, Padfoot. Now bloody turn me back, you bloody idiot faces!" Jazz laughed evilly.

"Idiot faces. Original Prongs," said Remus, sarcastically. James, Sirius, and Jazz ignored him.

"Oh, but my dear prongs, we can't!" said Jazz.

"Excuse me?"

"The charm will last four hours!"

"FOUR HOURS?!" A blonde guy with scruffy hair came up to James, also known as Jamie or Janice.

"Hey. Haven't seen you around lately, babe. New? Well that's all right. I'm Amazing Guy. Wanna go to Hogsmeade tomorrow with me? Like you know...a date?" Dead silence.

"OHMYGOD!" Jazz said loudly. That did it. Remus laughed so hard, he ended up in a terrible coughing fit, and he needed three glasses of water before he could stop coughing and continue laughing crazily. Sirius was thumping the table, cracking up. He fell of the bench, and rolled around on the floor, pretty much telling the world that he was insane. James scowled.

"Get. OUT!" said James to the unknown idiot. He took one look at James's expression, and scrambled. To make things worse, Lily walked up to the insane children. She took one look at Sirius on the floor, and turned to Jazz.

"Jazz, why is Sirius-"

"JAMES GOT ASKED OUT BY A GUY! HE SAID YES! HE'S GAY!" Jazz could've sworn she saw a flicker of disappointment on Lily's face for a fraction of a second.

"What?" asked Lily. James glared, hard, at Jazz.

"I am NOT gay! Star, have I mentioned lately that I absolutely HATE your weak girl guts?" Lily looked confused and slightly puzzled.

"But you're not-" James realized what he had done, and groaned dramatically. Lily's eyes widened, as she grasped the situation.

"This is absolutely NOT funny!" she yelled. Sirius rolled his eyes, and stood up, brushing dust off his dark ripped jeans.

"Here comes a Lily lecture," he grumbled under his breath so James and Lily didn't hear him, and kill him with their eyes.

"Do you even know how many rules you've broken? Stop laughing Jazz! Remus Lupin! I'd expect better of you! You're a prefect for Merlin's sake, A BLOODY PREFECT!"

"All hail the prefects of doom," whispered Jazz to Sirius, who sniggered.

"He could've gotten stuck! He still CAN get stuck! And I REFUSE TO SHARE A DORM WITH JAMES BLOODY POTTER! The spell could've gone wrong, this is a NEWT spell! Don't you understand? We'd get so many house points taken, if anyone found out, and we'd lose our lead for the Cup! You guys could've got detention, though that hardly matters to you! What would your parents say? Merlin's beard, I would've hoped that you _marauders_ would have even an ounce of common sense, considering all the pranks you play. You five act like little kids! And you tease Snape, while you lot are arrogant idiots! What about classes? What are you going to do about that? Probably skip, knowing you. And what if another person asks you out? DO YOU KNOW WHAT RUMORS WOULD BE SPREAD ABOUT YOU IF YOU KEEP REJECTING EVERYONE, YOU IDIOT?" Lily said.

Peter stared. He sighed.

"That's five minutes of my life I'll never get back."

The marauders stared at Lily, until she cracked a small smile. She mumbled something incoherent under her breath. Sirius cupped a hand around his left ear.

"Sorry, Lily-Flower, didn't catch that. What did you say?"

"It was kind of funny," said Lily quietly, not looking at the five. They stared at her, expressions amused and amazed.

"Has the world ended?" James said.

"Are we in heaven?" said Sirius, looking around at his surroundings.

"Pinch me, I must be dreaming. It's the only logical explanation," Remus said.

Peter stared at the girl who apparently was Lily Evans.

"Oh shut up." Jazz grinned.

"Us? Be quiet? Never." Lily smirked.

"Whatever," said Lily.

...

"So, Jamie, how about this one?" Sirius asked the girl/boy. The kids were out in Hogsmeade, buying supplies for their next prank at Zonko's prank shoppe. 'Jamie', still upset about his appearance, merely nodded. Sirius, not noticing anything, nodded back cheerfully in response to the sullen child. "Jolly Good pick, mate! I have to say, the pink and purple will definitely clash with Professor McGonagall's robes, and it will look magnificently splendid with Professor Dumbledore's robes."

James nodded once more.

"Sirius."

"What?"

"TURN ME BACK!"

'Okey-dokey." Sirius muttered a spell. The girl disappeared, and in it's place stood James. With no pants on.

"SIRIUS ORION BLACK!"

...

**A/N: Hoped you liked? Review! **

**~jazz**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: So much writer's block! Remember: each one-shot is 1111 words! Review! A conversation before bed, just like the last one. By the way, they're in the middle of seventh year.**

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"My hair is amazing!" James groaned.

"Why the long face, Jamie?"

"Well it always goes back to your hair, doesn't it Padfoot?"

"Girls think it's pretty."

"Tell me which girl, has EVER, said something nice about your hair?"

"Jazz thinks it's amazing."

"Um, no I don't," said a voice from beside him.

"Jasmine Stone! When did you get there?" asked Sirius.

"I've been here forever," she replied. Sirius harrumphed.

"Whatever." Remus laughed.

"Um, Sirius, I thought you said whatever was a girl word."

"Shut it, Wormtail."

"Sirius!"

"Stop scolding me, you're not my mum."

"Ha ha. Moony mum."

"Prongs, say that one more time, and you'll have one less antler than before."

"Sorry, mum."

"Merlin, I'm so going to kill you."

"Can I have a bed?" All eyes turned to Jazz, who was sitting Indian style on the rug on the floor.

"Mine!" said Sirius. Jazz wrinkled her nose.

"No thanks."

"I suppose, mine," offered James. She looked jokingly at Remus.

"Well, if there aren't any better offers," she said, looking at Remus again. Remus laughed.

"Starr, I know you just want my chocolate." She pouted.

"Please?" Remus shook his head.

"No chocolate for you!"

"Why not?"

"Because I said so!"

"You're not Santa!"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"I've been a good girl, so I deserve chocolate!"

"Go get your own, then!"

"But Mooony..."

"FIne. You can have ONE chocolate chip."

"A caramel one?"

"I guess."

"Yay! Love you, Moony!"

"WHAT? Moony, you never gave us any chocolate, how come Jazz gets some?"

"Because, Sirius, I'm special!"

"About as special as a rock."

"That was a really lame comeback, Padfoot!"

"Shut up Prongs."

"LOL." They turned to Peter.

"Wormy, what does lol mean?"

"Laugh out loud."

"Why'd you say it now?"

"I don't know, it just seems like the right time."

"Alright then, Pete."

"Jazzykins?"

"Yes, Prongsykins?"

"Why are you still standing?"

"I don't know." And with that, Jazz went and plopped herself in Remus's lap.

"Jazz?"

"Yeah?"

"Please get off me."

"Not till I get my chocolate."

"But I can't reach it!"

"Too bad, I'm comfortable."

"I'm not."

"I don't care."

"Thanks."

"Your welcome."

"Aw, Prongs, look at the loveydoves!"

"Just you wait Padfoot," said James confidently. "Me and Lily will be like that in no time."

"Sure you will Prongs," Jazz said sarcastically.

"OOOOOHHH!"

"What, Sirius?"

"Nothing."

"You mean you screamed for nothing?"

"Pretty much."

"Padfoot, you're crazy."

"So are you."

"True thing."

"That sounds weird."

"Your face sounds weird."

"Oh, we are not back on this again!"

"Sorry, Moony, I'm pretty sure that we are."

"Ugghhh..."

"Your face is-"

"SIRIUS!" said Jazz loudly.

"What?"

"Shut up!"

"Why?"

"Cause I said so!"

"You're not Santa," he said tauntingly. She glared at him.

"Oh you play dirty, Sirius Black."

"Yup, I'm back."

"Sirius, that didn't make sense."

"Whatever. Okay on to the wedding!"

"Huh?"

"You know..."

"Um, no I'm pretty sure we don't."

"Starr's and Moony's, of course!" Jazz laughed.

"Alright then."

"Now who will be the best man!"

"Me, I'm Moony's best friend!"

"I'm pretty sure that I AM Moony's best friend!"

"Please we all know that I am Moony's BFF!" They ignored Sirius's comment.

"Might I remind you, that you're all my best friends?"

"Oh yeah..."

"Okay, then we'll all be best mans."

"You mean best men."

"No I mean mans."

"Oh Lord help me..."

"Who's gonna be the maid of honor?"

"Either Lily, Cherry, or Alice."

"Which one?"

"I don't know yet!"

"Well, you have to know!"

"Why?"

"Cause you guys are getting married really soon!" Remus rolled his eyes.

"Mate, we're not getting married till AFTER graduation, and the year's barely halfway through!"

"You make a good point there, Moony."

"What about mine and Lily's wedding?" Jazz sighed.

"Mate, when are you going to get over her?"

"Never! She's warming up to me!"

"As a friend James! I'm sorry, but Lily's not going to fall in love with you anytime soon."

"No comment."

"Oh, I truly am sorry Prongs, but honestly, you guys are good friends now, and I don't want you to screw that up by asking her out again! James, it's been five years, you really need to get over Lily."

"Starr, I don't think that's gonna happen anytime soon."

"Sorry Prongs."

"You're right of course, but-"

"You just can't help who you fall in love with?" she said softly. James nodded miserably.

"I wish I could get over her, but I just can't." Jazz jumped of Remus's lap and gave James a big hug.

"Jazz, you're choking me."

"Sorry."

"You're not sorry."

"How do you know?"

"Because you're still choking me."

"Oh, sorry."

"Stop apologizing."

"Sorry!"

"Jazz."

"Oh, sorr- okay I'm just going to shut my face now."

"Love you."

"LOL."

"Peter-"

"Okay. I'm going to sleep now."

"What, Pete? It's only-" Jazz checked the clock. "Four in the morning? Crap, we have classes!"

"Eh, who cares?" Sirius said lazily. "It's only school!" Jazz rolled her eyes.

"I'm going to my dorm. Goodnight," she said, and planted a kiss on Remus's cheek before turning the door hanger. It didn't open.

"Um, why is the door not opening?" James groaned.

"Oh yeah, McGonagall set it so it couldn't open after one."

"What?! Why?" Sirius shrugged.

"Cause we kept sneaking out."

"Fine. Guess I'll just crash here. Any offers?"

"You could sleep here," said Remus, wiggling his eyebrows jokingly. Sirius laughed, when Jazz wrinkled her nose.

"Wow, Moony, never knew you had it in you!" said Sirius appreciatively. James looked disturbed.

"You guys would NOT actually do it with us in here, would you?" Jazz chucked a pillow at him.

"Heck no! Goodnight James," she said, falling back on Remus's bed. James laughed.

"Goodnight Starr." Jazz sat up again.

"On the second thought..." She grabbed her pillow and smacked Remus soundly in the face. "Oh dear Lord, he's already asleep."

"Sleep Jazz!"

"Love you guys."

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**A / N: Hey guys! Next chapter of the Marauderette should be up soon. Review. And have you heard the news? We are snowed in!**


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